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I think Judas's biggest crime was never understanding personal space. pic.twitter.com/TLRulLp3ar
No dogs No 90's phones No pictures of lightning None of this Grab a dance partner Pick your nose pic.twitter.com/llk6hUHzBY
Today i will be handing out vodka in evian bottles to marathon runners and watching the resulting mayhem.
50 retweets 104 favoritesRED WINE. I am now mostly grape. Everything hurts. Red wine makes you feel like a SCHOLAR but act like a human that can only speak in vowels
20 retweets 40 favorites. @nick_clegg JUST SEEN A MAN OPEN A PACKET OF CRISPS UPSIDE DOWN THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO THIS COUNTRY
. @Ed_Miliband HOW DO YOU INTEND TO ADDRESS THE FACT THAT THERE ARE NO DOGS ON THIS TRAIN
. @David_Cameron WHAT IS YOUR PLAN TO TACKLE PEOPLE ON TRAINS WHO LEAVE THEIR KEYBOARD CLICKS ON
The gentleman on the tannoy at Victoria station, upon his 10th announcement, realises "Richard Head" may not be missing after all.
16 retweets 27 favoritesYou can't go anywhere in London now due to these damn Street gangs pic.twitter.com/KrNQMaofzz
WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT ST GEORGE? He once got drunk and punched a lizard. He was known to exaggerate his stories.
89 retweets 86 favoritesIT IS @LEXINGTONSTEEL'S BIRTHDAY. Nail monet, beauty blogger and my live in carer. SHE IS OK I SUPPOSE. pic.twitter.com/YrsZ2A9gf6
Important Shakespeare fact https://twitter.com/TechnicallyRon/status/458902098562674689 …
This #StGeorgesDay, let us remember our true English values pic.twitter.com/Gmb2xX4kjI
HERE'S to ST GEORGE, a SYREA PALAESTINA born man with a GREEK FATHER who FOUGHT for the ROMANS. HEY, in HIS NAME, LET'S be XENOPHOBIC.
55 retweets 52 favoritesAs a country that apparently reveres HARD WORKING PEOPLE those guys that dug A MASSIVE HOLE through a bank are a real inspiration.
21 retweets 37 favorites"This pub has free wifi" "YAY" "Please ask a member of staff for details" "NEVER"
63 retweets 116 favoritesThings that trigger panic attacks: The inevitability of life Going outside Cups apparently Making spelling mitakes on twitter Trains Bees
10 retweets 30 favorites
"You've made your bed now lie in it" is the worst threat I've ever heard. That's not a punishment, it's a lovely treat.
143 retweets 154 favoritesThe worst part about having a step ladder is never getting to know your real ladder.
71 retweets 112 favoritesTwitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup.
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