Jory John

Jory John

@joryjohn

Writer, sandwich-maker, coffee-drinker. Author of All My Friends Are Dead and K is for Knifeball and more. Currently ranked No. 1 Guy.

San Francisco · https://www.amazon.com/author/joryjohn

Tweets

  1. 18h

    BREAKING: I thought I lost my phone just now, but it turns out it had fallen through the hole in my pocket and was halfway down my pants.

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  2. 4 Feb

    (I just found this Tweet I wrote in February, 2004. What a trip!) "Trying to figure out how to use Thefacebook. What's a profile?"

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  3. 4 Feb

    You don't know me, Netflix, so quit trying to act like you do. Yes I watched an "Emotional Independent Drama" once, but quit bringing it up!

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  4. 4 Feb

    If standing in my kitchen eating huge hunks of cheese with a knife is attractive, then you can call me a regular Mario Lopez, ladies.

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  5. 4 Feb

    One final shout-out to my interview with . If you're lonely, it will keep you company:

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  6. 3 Feb

    Happiness is finding a quiet place to eat an entire jar of pickles in one sitting.

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  7. 3 Feb

    I still remember the year that I sang the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. My voice cracked on "red glare," but folks were nice about it.

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  8. 2 Feb

    This is mostly for anybody named "Jory John" out there: You ever think about your name and wonder what the hell it means?

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  9. 2 Feb

    "This boot is made from alligator, while this other boot is made from crocodile. I'm Jory." — my newest pickup line

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  10. 2 Feb

    If constantly yawning is attractive, then you can call me a regular Mark-Paul Gosselaar, ladies.

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  11. 2 Feb

    "I was just lying to you," he said. "You were?" she asked? "No," he lied.

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  12. 2 Feb

    That sinking feeling when you check birthdays on Facebook and you know all four people very well.

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  13. 1 Feb

    Wait, when you yell "Niners!" are you referring to the San Francisco 49ers football squadron?

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  14. 1 Feb

    Your shoes sound clompy.

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  15. 1 Feb

    An "Open Letters" comic to the car inching toward me in the crosswalk:

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  16. 1 Feb

    My folk-scream band Coffin Pillow is playing our farewell show tonight at the Glass Figurine. 11:45. $75. All ages.

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  17. 1 Feb

    When I think back on my college years, my only regret is that I never got to set fire to a couch. :(

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  18. 1 Feb

    Hey Beck's Breakup Album — go find another cafe to fully depress!

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  19. 1 Feb

    FUN FACT: Did you know that most "fun facts" are totally made up?

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  20. 1 Feb

    I just remembered that when I was a kid, I carried a little camera around and took pictures of fancy cars, with an emphasis on Corvettes.

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